Buddy-ish: Reclaiming Actual Friendship in a Tradition of Confusion

Wise, Refreshing, and Unique
One of my Facebook friends recently shared an article by this author that shared some of the main points and content from this book. As soon as I got to the end, I preordered this on Amazon, because I wanted it immediately, and there was no way I was going to wait six months to inter-library loan this. I’m so glad that I did, and it was well worth the money, especially since I can now loan it out to people.
Friendship is one of the most important things in my life, and always has been, but very few resources exist on how to navigate it faithfully and well through different pitfalls, challenges, and life changes. By the grace of God, I have managed to avoid codependent friendships and have pushed back against urges for jealousy and possessiveness in my relationships, but I wish that I’d had more than marriage-advice-turned-into-friendship-advice to help me navigate conflict, disappointment, the temptation of idolatry, and difficult feelings.
This book is everything I wish I could have read as a teenager. It is incredibly well-written, personal, biblically grounded, and refreshing. It was emotionally overwhelming for me to read it at times, especially as the chapters on dysfunctional friendships brought back my undying rage from how other people’s toxic best friendships affected me in youth group several years ago, but I appreciate the conviction of how unforgiving I have been, and saw myself in some of the relationship pitfalls. A couple sections made me cry because I felt like they were talking directly to me about issues that are largely invisible to Christian culture. When you’ve only found two helpful, targeted resources on a topic, there’s something unspeakably reassuring about reading chapters that feel like they were written to you and affirm the choices and beliefs you synthesized about your experiences.
This book is primarily written for women, but it also shares some stories from men’s friendships, and I love this, both because it welcomes in a male audience and shows women that men’s friendship experiences aren’t very different from their own. Overall, this book is inclusive and accessible to men and women, singles and marrieds, teenagers and adults, and people with and without kids. I appreciate the attention and care that the author put into making this book as theologically sound, gospel-oriented, practical, and accessible as it is. I’m going to recommend this to so many people, and I already know who I’m going to loan my copy to first.
As a closing note, I have two small complaints about this book. One is a single paragraph that was dismissive towards online friendships. Yes, we shouldn’t overextend ourselves and think we can maintain meaningful relationships with everyone we’ve met in our whole lives, and yes, we need local friends who are physically present with us, but almost all of my deepest friendships began online, and I consider that a blessing from God. Some of these friendships exist over long distances and only occasionally have opportunities for face-to-face contact, but they are still profoundly meaningful to me, and I have also traditionally used Facebook chats to keep up with local friends when we can’t see each other in person. This author is writing from her own experience and perspective as a thirty-something, so I’ll give her lots of grace for not understanding the dynamics of my teenage years, but because of my peers’ fast-paced, over-scheduled, hectic lives and the limitations of who had a driving permit, I wouldn’t have been able to maintain friendships well outside of church without the grace of Facebook chat and Gmail video chat. I never turned to the Internet because I thought I was infinite and could be friends with everyone; I turned to the Internet to maintain my closest friendships during the times when we weren’t able to connect in coffee shops.
My second, more minor complaint is that the author never provides examples of books or movies that display the beauty of healthy friendships. I totally agree with what she wrote about the toxic, misleading messages about friendships and BFFs within popular culture, but I wish that she had given examples of alternatives to this in the media. Granted, most of my examples date back to the early 1900s, since I grew up reading post-Victorian children’s literature, but there are more modern examples! Given the enduring popularity of Lord of the Rings, I was somewhat surprised that a book on friendship that so often criticized media portrayals of friendship never mentioned this as a profoundly refreshing corrective.
Overall, this book is incredibly gospel-focused, helpful, and full of wisdom, providing guidance for how Christians can pursue friendships that avoid common pitfalls and are ultimately grounded in Christ. I hope that someday, there will be more resources like this, but until then, this book is gloriously unique and I will recommend it endlessly.

Compelling and Kind
I would not consider myself a big reader, but I have read this book twice in the last three years. Kelly does an amazing job of cutting to the point while also being compassionate towards her readers as she tries to help them for sake, treating friends as saviors, or being, looked to as a savior by friends. We only have one to savior and one person who will never feel us, and Kelli’s words in this book have helped spur my faith towards Jesus rather than people on more than one occasion.

Timely and Necessary
This book was recommended to me multiple times before I finally bought and read it. I wish I had not waited! The message is revolutionary. It is full of Biblical truth that is much needed today. I have passed on the recommendation to several family members and am lending the book to a friend so that she can read it and we can work on applying the Biblical principles it teaches together. I wish I had read and applied this years ago, but better late than never.

So much wisdom! It helped me a lot to live more healthy relationships and it pushed me closer to Jesus as my best friend! I am very very grateful for all that I have learnt through this book!!

Friendish by Kelly Needham, is primarily about idolatry in friendship. She speaks of having unrealistic expectations in friendship, of the BFF culture where a friend becomes your one and only, of same sex attraction, and of selfishness. She explains the dangers of allowing our friends to take the place of Jesus in our lives. It is a well written and truthful book. It is helpful personally, as this is a huge struggle for me, but is also useful in counseling others and knowing when to put up boundaries when we see others relying on us and helping them to seek Jesus anew.
This book has been refreshing in that it seems to give words to the thoughts and questions that have been swirling in my brain for years. There’s something comforting in knowing that others think about the same things you do and feel the same things you do. However, it has also been extremely convicting. Painfully so.
My body and medical tests have been on my mind lately. When you have medical tests done and you await the results, you long to hear that a test has revealed that you’re ok, that the illness of concern is not present. But then what if the Dr. says, “While doing this test, we did find something else…” That’s what this book has been like for my heart. Fears and doubts have been assuaged, but sin remains. The roots are deep. In our medical analogy, the next thing you wait to hear from your Dr. is if your illness is treatable. The good news in this book and indeed in our lives, is that there is a cure! And that cure is Jesus! The author points us here. Not to people or self-help programs, but to Jesus.
I’m certain that your struggles are not my struggles. But I will assume that we’ve all had questions and experiences in the area of friendship and it would benefit your heart to read this book.